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There are rules we follow every day without consciously deciding to follow them. Some are practical. We stop at red lights. We turn up to appointments. We meet responsibilities we have agreed to take on. Other rules are much less visible. They tend to live inside our thoughts: “I should be able to cope with this.” “I shouldn’t need help.” “I should be more productive.” “I should have got over this by now.” “I mustn’t let people down.” “I should always be in control.” These statements can sound perfectly reasonable, particularly when we have repeated them to ourselves for years....

Emotions are powerful sources of information. Fear alerts us to possible danger. Sadness can tell us that something matters or has been lost. Anger may signal that we feel threatened, treated unfairly or that a boundary has been crossed. Our emotions deserve attention. There are times, however, when the way we feel begins to determine what we believe to be true. “I feel anxious, so something must be wrong.” “I feel overwhelmed, so I obviously can’t cope.” “I feel guilty, so I must have done something wrong.” “I feel like a failure, so perhaps I am one.” In CBT, this...

Most of us have standards. We want to do our jobs well, be dependable, maintain our relationships, look after the people we care about and make good decisions. Standards can give us direction and encourage us to put effort into the things that matter. Sometimes, however, standards become so rigid that there seems to be very little room between doing something well and getting it wrong. A presentation was either excellent or a failure. A productive day was worthwhile; an unproductive one was wasted. You followed your plan or you “blew it”. You coped well or you did not cope...